I knew I could write when I couldn’t say a prayer, but I could write it with such clarity that God understood

Vhutsilo Masibigiri
4 min readOct 15, 2021

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For a long time, I couldn’t put what I write out there, because I was sensitive. I could appreciate other writers’ work, but I didn’t think I was good enough. I was always sensitive about what people would think about it. I had a lot of what ifs…

What if I write something wrong?

What if I sound insensitive or stupid?

What if I make a fool of myself?

What if people do not like what I write?

What if it’s bad?

What if….what if?

While all the what ifs were going on through my head, I wrote a few blogs and send them out on Facebook and the website without writing my name. A few people who knew that the website and the Facebook pages were mine, knew that I was the one who wrote them. I didn’t put my name down because I was worried about what people might think of my writing.

I haven’t posted in Facebook in a little while, but I have also not stopped writing. I have continued to write and kept the writing to myself. I knew I could write when I couldn’t say a prayer, but I could write it out with such clarity that God understood. I know he understands my writing because I get the answers. One day it hit me. If God understands what I am writing, maybe someone out there will also understand even though it doesn’t seem to make sense to others. Everyday, I write. Like Steve Biko, ‘I write what I like’. I guess that is why he is my favorite person. Everyday I write my prayer, I write in a gratitude journal and I write a little bit about my day. I write what I like. I continue to write what I like.

When I was growing up I enjoyed listening to my mother pray. I wanted to pray like her when I grew up. And later in life, I would listen to my aunt pray. And I wanted to be able to pray like her when I grow up. And I grew up, and I couldn’t pray like them. I was disappointed. Please do not ask me to pray in public. I am already feeling vulnerable writing this. I feel vulnerable knowing that you are reading this. Is is going to be the first blog that I write and put my name to it.

I have decided to write…even if I feel vulnerable. So, what about all the previous what if’s in my head?

What if I am wrong? There is no way that I can be wrong, because this is my experience.

What if I sound insensitive or stupid? This is my experience and I have decided to not take myself too seriously.

What if I make a fool of myself? I am too old to be embarrassed by my foolishness

What if people do not like what I write? These blogs are for me. I am writing what I like just like Steve Biko. I am hoping that the writing may touch one person at a time and change their lives. Maybe someone who has been thinking about writing but they were too embarrassed to do it, will have the strength to write.

What if it’s bad? If this is bad, please subscribe and check out my next blog. I am trying to be better with every post.

What if….? For all the other what if’s….please give a break! I am talking to you dear reader. I am talking to the voice in my head. To the voice in my head, I am going to continue writing:

Even if I feel vulnerable,

Even if I say something wrong,

Even if I sound stupid,

Even if it makes me uncomfortable,

Even if it is bad,

And even if the language is not proper.

Like my prayers, the ones I write to God….I hope someone would read my writing and it would make sense to them. I will continue to write even if only one person can read it. I will write with the belief that it makes sense to someone. That someone maybe myself. I am not sure if writing will help me feel less vulnerable. Time will tell. This time I am vulnerable. I feel vulnerable. I feel like I am being unmasked from the music competition, ‘The Masked Singer’. In the Masked Singer, if you loose the competition, you get unmasked in front of the audience and the panel. Writing was a lot easier when I was doing it anonymously. It was better then because the mask was on and nobody could see me.

Like the prayers I write to God, I am sending this one to you Dear Reader. I feel vulnerable, unmasked and uncomfortable. Hoping that you will understand. Please send me your feedback (all of it). Be as honest as possible. Honestly!

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Vhutsilo Masibigiri

Speaker, Writer, HR Consultant with over 25 years of work experience. She is a Diversity, Equity and Inclusion strategist, and writes for Diversity SA